Self-leadership
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10 min
The shared flat in my head – Who takes the wheel today?
In our minds, there lives an inner shared flat of different personality parts – from the adventurer to the doubter to the grateful – that influence our thinking, feeling, and acting. By consciously steering who takes the wheel, we can find our inner balance and act more confidently in sports, work, and everyday life.
Who is at the wheel?
Our housemates take turns – depending on the situation, mood, energy level, or external circumstances. After a bad night, the impatient one often takes over for me: "This can't be true, I have no energy for the day!" After a successful day at work, the adventurer proudly announces: "I am energetic and self-confident, I am happy and full of optimism and drive!" In moments of happiness, surrounded by family and friends, the grateful one gets to take the wheel: "I feel safe, secure, content, and balanced."
But what happens when the doubter takes the wheel in an important decision-making situation? Or when the impatient one takes charge at a moment that actually requires patience? The housemates determine how we feel, think, act, and perceive the world.
Insights into the inner flatshare
Imagine each of these sides as a distinct character of yours. They not only have their own voice, but also a unique way of breathing, their own body tension, and they trigger different biochemical reactions in your body:
The Impatient One: Sends adrenaline through your veins, is tense, increases your heart rate, and prepares you for impulsive actions.
The Doubter: Increases cortisol levels, your brain searches for risks and dangers – your body is on high alert.
The Adventurer: Activates dopamine, the reward hormone, that gives you joy and motivation to try something new.
The Enjoyer: Promotes serotonin, the hormone of calm and contentment.
The Grateful One: Triggers oxytocin, the bonding hormone that gives us security and comfort.
These housemates are my very own. But what about you? What voices live in your inner flatshare? Perhaps you see yourself in my characters, or maybe you don't. Ask yourself: Who takes the lead for you – and when?
Top sports: Managing pressure and maintaining focus
In elite sports, the inner flatshare is often particularly loud. Pressure, high expectations, and uncertainties can cause the doubter or the impatient one to take the wheel – precisely the housemates that stand in your way in critical moments.
The Doubter: "What if I fail? I must not make a mistake!"
The Impatient One: "I need to decide now, I have no time, do it now!"
In such moments, you need another side that has trust in its own abilities and looks forward to the challenge. But how do you get the adventurer or the confident one to take the wheel?
Concrete: Practical techniques
Self-talk: Find powerful, positive phrases that focus you. For instance: "I am ready. I have trained for this. I am excited to show what I can do."
Breathing technique: Before the competition: Take five deep breaths in through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. This signals to your nervous system that you are safe and can remain relaxed.
Body language: Stand upright, with relaxed shoulders and a calm gaze. Body language influences your mental state. Your brain perceives: "I am strong, I am calm."
Visualization: Imagine mastering a decisive moment – like a confident pass, a perfect save, or a clear attack. Paint this situation in detail in your mind.
Example: A goalkeeper before a penalty tells himself inside: "I breathe calmly, I am ready, I trust my reflexes." He remains in a relaxed basic position, fixes his gaze on the shooter, and waits for the right signal.
Leadership: Balancing empathy and clarity
Leadership means utilizing the different roles in your inner flatshare. Empathy and understanding are essential when it comes to building trust. However, there are also moments when you need clarity and decisiveness to make tough decisions.
Concrete: Practical techniques
Activating empathy:
Self-talk: "I take the time to understand my team's perspective."
Breathing technique: Before a conversation: Inhale, count to four, hold your breath for four seconds, and then exhale slowly. This helps you stay calm and centered, even in tense situations.
Gestures: Make open hand movements, maintain eye contact, and nod to show your counterpart that you are listening and present.
Strengthening decisiveness:
Self-talk: "I can make clear decisions. My team needs direction."
Body language: Stand firmly, with a steady stance and an upright posture. Your gaze is calm but direct.
Example: You need to communicate a decision in a meeting that won’t please everyone. Tell yourself inside: "I remain calm and clear. This decision serves the goal." Speak with a calm but firm voice: "I know this decision is difficult, but it is necessary to move our project forward. Let’s find the best solution together."
Everyday life: Finding harmony and resolving conflicts
Even in private situations, your inner flatshare determines how you react. An argument with your partner, stress in family life, or a moment of joy – all of this calls different housemates into action.
Concrete: How do you create harmony?
Self-talk: After an argument or a stressful situation: "I take time to reflect. What is really important? How do I want to shape the relationship?"
Breathing technique: Three deep breaths that help you relieve stress before you speak or act.
Focus on the positive: At the end of the day, think of three things you are grateful for. This shifts your focus away from problems toward the beautiful moments.
Example: After an argument with your partner: Tell yourself inside: "I breathe calmly. I let go of what annoys me and concentrate on what connects us." You consciously seek a conversation and say: "I want to talk about this because our relationship is important to me."
Conclusion: The art of leading your inner flatshare
Imagine your inner flatshare as a community that works as well as you lead it. Each of your sides – whether the adventurer, the doubter, the impatient one, or the enjoyer – has its validity. The art lies in consciously perceiving and steering these sides.
You are not the sum of your voices – you are the flatshare leader. You can choose who takes the wheel. This way, you not only create harmony within but also act more confidently, clearly, and fulfilled in the outer world – whether in elite sports, at work, or in everyday life.